do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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