dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
