So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
