you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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