He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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