Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
