grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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