I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
