Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
