Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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