It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
