Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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