I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
