Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
