It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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