yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
