The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
