She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
