If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the raccoons are back...
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