Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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