When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
