And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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