He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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