My nipple is on Facebook.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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