Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
