FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
