How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
