I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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