i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
