Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
