You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
