I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
