I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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