i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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