is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
