so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
