i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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