Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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