My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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