I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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