foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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