I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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