I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize