if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have fence marks all over my body
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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