They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
