Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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