I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize