Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
