proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
