I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
