I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
