Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
