so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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