omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
