Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
