i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
