Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
