Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
