look no pants
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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