i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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