Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
