Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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