Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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