If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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