my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
