Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
