garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
