i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
