my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
