I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
