That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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