Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
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Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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