i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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