She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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