Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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