I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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