if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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