i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You're a waste of cheezeits
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
