she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
