Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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